“The thing about people who are truly and malignantly crazy: their real genius is for making the people around them think they themselves are crazy. In military science this is called Psy-Ops, for your info.” –David Foster Wallace, ‘Infinite Jest’

When we utilize critical thinking and question whether what society tells us is true or not, we are called “paranoid.” When a major tragedy strikes, we are conditioned to automatically accept what authority figures and the media tell us without question, lest we wish to be cast into the tainted demographic of society known as “conspiracy theorists” –basically, a manipulation of the term “free-thinkers,” insinuating a person’s open mind is instead a psychologically deranged prison. When we feel sad, we put on brave faces like we were taught to do; and we certainly do not let others see us “break” down, as to do so would be socially unacceptable. We fail to realize this, in reality, is the very definition of weakness. The truly brave thing to do would be to embrace and listen to our feelings, otherwise known as embracing our innate human nature. Rarely do we consider that by repeatedly denying ourselves the opportunity  to “break” down and feel our emotions in their entirety, we are simultaneously sealing our fate to break down on a chronic basis in the future, as the accumulated negative energies within us from our repressed emotions will eventually reach full capacity and burst.

When we fail to thoroughly work through and resolve our emotions, their energies remain stuck within us and accumulate until all we feel is their collective darkness, as there is not much room left inside us for anything else. This, of course, is quite frequently the working definition of “chronic depression.” Since we masked our sadness and anger so many times, we seemingly have no root cause for our chronic depression. Once repressed emotions from various experiences become piled up within, it is close to impossible to distinguish one from another and trace each one back to their origin. As a result, there is no identifiable root cause of our now unrelenting depression –and rightfully so, as there are many. Of course, the doctors we go to when such depression befalls us typically only lend to the notion that there is no root cause, and in no way promote healthy methods of taking responsibility for the management of our emotions in the future. However, they nonetheless claim they can help us –and they do, they help us to further gloss over uncomfortable feelings by placing us on psychiatric medications such as anti-depressants. Unfortunately, anti-depressants not only take away feelings of sadness, they to some degree take away all feelings in general.

When it really comes down to it, the choice to escape darkness is at the same time the choice to escape light. To knowingly opt out of painful emotions is to unknowingly opt out of pleasurable ones as well. Unfortunately, this numb state of existence promoted by modern day society is all too easy to fall victim to –especially when medical experts we quite literally trust with our lives tell us it is a correct and healthy way of being, generously giving us substances to feed our desire to not feel pain of any sort. So, who and what is really crazy here?

“Our education from the start has taught us a certain range of emotions, what to feel and what not to feel, and how to feel the feelings we allow ourselves to feel. All the rest is non-existent.” –D.H. Lawrence, ‘A Propos of Lady Chatterley’s Lover’

Since we are taught from a young age which feeling are acceptable to feel, what emotions are safe to express, what heart driven behaviors are appropriate to act upon without deviating from the “norm,” doing otherwise seems incredibly dangerous and can easily invoke paralyzing fear. However, subduing parts of ourselves by cutting off certain feelings and prohibiting emotions from arising past a certain level is the truly dangerous thing to do. It prevents us from fulfilling one of our primary obligations in life –to give birth to all parts of ourselves, to emerge into the world as beings alive in every sense of the word, and to then share with the world our unique gifts stemming from the deep sense of luminous aliveness radiating within.

Allowing Ourselves To Fully Feel

How do we go about allowing ourselves to feel our emotions in their entirety though, and how do we do so without letting ourselves become consumed by the negative energy of the more painful ones? For starters, we stop telling ourselves that feeling any emotion too intensely is wrong, because perhaps there is actually no such thing as feeling TOO intensely, there is only feeling something intensely and not knowing how to then work through those feelings. Perhaps it is not the feelings themselves that are the problem, but our inability to deal with those feelings. Perhaps  there is no clearly defined right or wrong way to feel, there is only feeling what it means to be alive in its entirety. And whether or not those feelings are painful or pleasurable will not matter much in the end. What will matter is we can rest assured that we did not take life for granted, knowing we seized every opportunity to fully live.

Next, we must cease to resist strong emotions out of fear, often resulting from a subconscious awareness that surrendering to them will inevitably change us within on a deep level, as anything of depth in life always does –and we certainly must stop worrying that allowing profound changes within may cause others to no longer accept us. After all, any love with conditions is limiting, and thus does not embody the true definition of love. Those who do not love us unconditionally and who hold a firm picture of how we should live our lives do not serve our true nature, and should in no way be allowed to influence who we are or what we do or do not become. Ultimately, we must die to the false belief that a way of life that is safe even exists. As Michael Meade so eloquently put it, “a false sense of security is the only kind there is.”

Once we dissolve the fear of allowing ourselves to fully feel due to the desire to be socially accepted and the like, and begin the process of feeling our emotions in their entirety and journeying deeper into our hearts, we often run into the problem of subconsciously resisting from fully engaging in the process because it is uncomfortable at times. However, at this stage of journeying deeper into our hearts to reclaim our capacity to feel, it is crucial to acknowledge that the only reason we feel this discomfort is because we have been conditioned to believe we should avoid discomfort and pain –much less take responsibility for working through our pain, especially when emotional in nature- at any cost. Basically, we must become comfortable with being uncomfortable. A strange thing happens when we do this –feeling uncomfortable begins to dissipate entirely, as we have given ourselves permission to feel and surrendered to its existence, thus dissolving its power over us. No longer feeling uncomfortable over, well, the act of feeling in itself, sends a signal to our subconscious minds that there are really no “good” or “bad” emotions, there are just emotions. In this, we learn “good” and “bad” are merely a matter of subjective perception, and  many of our perceptions regarding what is good and bad are actually not our own that were born out of our own self-discovery and life lessons, but are ones that were instilled within us from a young age via conditioning from others.

It is our inherent birthright to explore life and use our personal experiences to formulate our own perceptions in life. In order to cultivate such experiences, the manner in which we live must stem from the deep sense of aliveness within that can only be accessed when we feel intensely and allow ourselves to be flooded with passion. Inevitably, this leads many to find there is really no such thing as “bad” feelings, in the sense that they are intended to harm us. Rather, the feelings we once revered as “bad” are intended to deliver specific messages to us, signaling certain areas in our lives are not in alignment with  the true nature of our souls.

Beginning to work with our feelings rather than against them, and exploring them to unveil the messages they are attempting to reveal, is the process of working  with our different ego states –not dissolving our egos entirely, but transforming them. Eric Berne, who developed the idea of Transactional Analysis and Structural analysis, was the first to really bring to light the idea of observable egoic states within individuals –the parent, adult, and child egoic states. Using this theory, we can begin to identify the different ego states within and learn what role each one plays, essentially allowing us to work with and nurture the expressions of all of them rather than suppress them. The ultimate goal is to bring to surface and heal the fragmented parts of ourselves we have repressed, and essentially reintegrate these parts of ourselves into the whole. You can learn more about this process and the different techniques for working with ego states and reintegrating fragmented parts of the self into the whole to cultivate a healthier internal state here.

To feel is to be human, to be alive. To not feel is to be less human, to be less alive. This is a grotesquely reckless way to live, as it involves taking life for granted. In fact, it may be one of the most damaging forms of abuse humans are capable of inflicting upon themselves. I in no way expect you to accept my words and the concepts they shape as absolute truths. In fact, I beg of you to do the exact opposite –to consider them, but not adopt them, and instead go out and find your own personal truths.

©2015 The Mind Unleashed, Inc, all rights reserved. For permission to re-print this article contact contactthemindunleashed@gmail.com , or the respective author.

How to Use Painful Emotions to Better Yourself

View your dissatisfaction with life as a message from your inner self: When an aspect of your life is not in alignment with your soul’s desires and your core beliefs and you continuously ignore it, your soul will often rise up in opposition and manifest itself as a debilitating condition such as depression, leaving you with no choice but to spend time in solitude. Isolation from debilitating depression demands you to explore every corner of inner turmoil, inevitably bringing to light the behaviors, actions, hobbies, or habits which are not in alignment with your fundamental beliefs. In solitude, you begin to explore the deepest parts of your inner self, which inevitably leads to the unveiling of the inner conflicts hindering your life. You may find you are unbearably miserable with your mind numbing job that has stripped you of your appetite for wonder, a romantic or platonic relationship, familial discord, the way you allow people to treat you, or a plethora of other things. Whatever it is, inner child work via hypnosis, meditation, and journaling can help you identify it.

Once you identify the root cause of conflict within, it is incredibly important to then take swift and immediate action to dissolve it. Otherwise, if you do not act, you risk worsening your depression by sending a message to your subconscious that although you know what is wrong and therefore what steps you need to take to take to begin healing, you do not think you are worth the effort to take them. Your subconscious is always eavesdropping on your thoughts, and responds accordingly.

Channel negative energy into creative expression: You are likely familiar with the stigma that artists are tortured, depressed souls. Of course, this is not true for every artist, but nonetheless many musicians, writers, painters, and other types of artists have long been known to draw their creative energy from deep within the murky waters of depression. Perhaps this is due to the fact that depressed people tend to ruminate over details of past experiences more so than the average individual. There are invisible dimensions of feelings in our day to day lives that we all feel, both good and bad. The average person dismisses lingering memories of the “bad” ones at their earliest convenience while creative people, especially those who are depressed, dive deep into those feelings. Going deep into the darkness of depression is unavoidable when the extent to which you feel things is far greater than the average person. Depression is able to consume you because it evokes such strong emotion. This makes it an incredibly powerful tool for channeling your energy into creative work, perhaps more so than most other emotions. When you use this monumental force of energy, you step aside mentally and allow the essence of the universe to flow through you to create a work of art — a painting, a song, poetry, a book, and so on.

Sharing your creative work with others helps you feel less alone. When others make an effort to pay attention to what you create, they likely identify with some part, or perhaps even all, of it. When this occurs, you contribute to an ever-growing and desperately needed collective movement to forge deep, compassionate connections with others in a world where we frequently separate and isolate ourselves from one another, often for surface reasons as trivial as race, political beliefs, disability, or societal status. When a diversity of people connect with the same work of art, whatever form it may take, the truth that we are all the same at our deepest levels becomes blatantly clear.

You do not have to share your creative work with others for it to be productive, though. There are many ways in which engaging in privately kept artistic expression can be productively used to harness the monumental flow of energy from depression into creative activity. For example, a research study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology showed journaling about upsetting experiences and aspects of your life for a mere 15 minutes a day for only three days boosts levels of happiness. [1] If you are more prone to expressing yourself freely if you know it will be kept private rather than shared with others, then you should absolutely choose that option —if you push yourself to share your creative work publicly regardless of your hesitation to do so, still engaging in private creative work on the side not only amplifies the benefits of committing to inner work, it may also diminish feelings of angst or fear fueling your hesitation to openly express yourself.

Both private and public creative expression are productive ways to minimize, if not overcome, depression. When you engage in creative expression fully, you drop into a meditative trance-like state. Although you do not realize it at the time, your consciousness makes contact with the inner demons hiding in your subconscious while in this state. When you emerge from this creatively induced trance-like state, so do the inner conflicts you uncovered within it, allowing you to finally acknowledge them and make peace with them.

Increase your gratitude: Yes, using depression as a vehicle to increase your sense of gratitude sounds paradoxical, but it is nonetheless very possible when a conscious decision to do so is made. This in no way means sitting around and waiting for something to happen that you can grateful for. It means discovering all of the things you already have to be thankful for. Intentionally practicing gratitude even when you don’t actually feel grateful reprograms the brain to focus on positive aspects of life more than negative ones. Keeping gratitude journals and engaging in gratitude meditations  are two excellent ways to do this.

Improve your physical health: Not surprisingly, when it comes to physical and mental health, the two go hand in hand. Boosting physical health also boosts mental health. So, striving to spend more time in the sun, eat healthier, and exercise more are often beneficial for combating depression — and at the same time, you improve the longevity and virtually every other area of your life to some degree, even if small, too.

Practice Mindfulness: Calming techniques, such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, hypnotherapy, and tai chi ease depression by helping you relax and clear your mind. Repetitively executing such techniques for depression does more than merely provide short term results like pharmaceutical antidepressants do (which, not to mention, often have harmful consequences in the long run), it also deeply instills a long lasting, life changing skill within you — a shift in consciousness, the ability to be more aware, more present, and ultimately more alive.

Of course, there are many other productive activities that may heal or ease symptoms of depression. I personally feel the above two require more inner work and thus generate the greatest results. Of course, everyone is different. Like most other things in life, productively working with your depression to alleviate it and improve your quality of life is a highly individualized path.

What it all comes down to is that at some point or another, in some way or another, we are all pushed to edge and consumed by darkness, by despair, by depression, by rage, and all of the friendly counterparts of pain. The vehicle that delivers us to this consumption differs –often significantly- among each of us. Regardless of how different the surface details of our painful situations may be, we all have our own form of rock bottom where we are ultimately forced to make a life changing decision: to gloss over our pain with medications and/or keep ourselves constantly busy with meaningless activity that allots us no time alone with our thoughts; or to stop, open our eyes, acknowledge the sickness of mankind in some way, in some aspect we were previously oblivious to, and let it change us on a deep level forever, for the better. From the moment of our first shutter of darkness, we all became one -cast out in some way and different, even if the shift within us is subtle, than we were before. The first time the spirits of those of us who allow ourselves to feel pain fully and let it change us are frosted with darkness, we sink beneath the glaciers of the lives we once knew and sink deeper, always deeper, into water so icy it burns the spirit like shards of shattered glass. Eventually, we hopefully begin to see that these shards of glass were but tools carving a passageway into the underlying invisibles of life where all things begin to shimmer with luminous particles not unlike the golden flecks that can be spotted in rays gleaming through windows as the scorching August sun begins to set.

Eventually, we see the burning of what we knew to be our spirits as exposed fallacies of a society struggling to place a word on something so deep -the invisible, wildness of the world. The place where we all must go, but to where no one can journey with us. The place pain, if fully felt, forces us to enter after we make it beyond the wall that we feel we simply cannot go past, one we all eventually hit at some point. Past that wall exists deeper realms so beautiful they possess no name, unattainable by the thinking mind, as it would only work to reduce these luminous things, these uncharted territories within, the ecstasy felt only once one has been seared with the hot iron whose board is made of feelings more painful and dark than we ever thought possible. The beautiful meanings we eventually find within our tragedies do not come to our attention at first. For some of us, it takes a few months. Others, years. Others, decades. Whether we acknowledge it or not, the truth is that within each of us lies the strength to adapt and withstand the relentless sting of passage from dark waters of emotions like deep depression -whose rapids, with time, push us off its smoothly surfaced sharp cliff, into the deep pleasure pain teaches us if and when we nobly follow it into the abyss.

REFERENCES:

1. http://www.m.webmd.com
2. http://m.everydayhealth.com